A Mildly Adorable Toerag
by okieeiffel
Summary: James Potter pulls a childish prank on Lily Evans, and of course, name calling ensues. Only, this time Lily is sounding a bit less convincing.


**Author's note- **I had this idea pop into my head, and I couldn't get it out. It was messing with the next Jaded chapter, so I decided to get it out of my system. Just a simple fluff one-shot. Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer**- Names, Places, Creatures, and Characters from Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. I in no way monetarily profit from this fic.

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><p><strong>A Mildly Adorable Toerag<strong>

Lily Evans stared at the page of her transfiguration book in contempt. She was supposed to be performing a spell to turn a tortoise into a porcupine (Honestly, what a useless spell. When would she _ever_ need to turn a tortoise into a porcupine?) but had yet to succeed in even making the tortoise in front of her flinch. It sat on the desk, unperturbed, gazing up at her through beady eyes.

The directions clearly stated that she needed to jab and twist left at the end, but she had tried that countless times already, making Lily a bit miffed at the directions. There obviously had to be more to it than that. _Obviously._ The bloody tortoise would have changed the first time she had jabbed her wand while twisting left at the end if the spell were as simple as the book implied. After staring at the page in vain, as if more directions would magically appear because she willed them to, Lily gave up in a huff and sat back in her chair.

Lily jumped slightly as she registered the fact that she wasn't alone. James Potter was sitting at the table with her. It was altogether unusual to see him sit at the study table in the head common room, but at the moment Lily was grateful for his presence. He could tell her the missing directions for the stupid bloody transfiguration spell.

"When did you sit there?" she inquired.

"Somewhere between a huff and a sigh," James told her making a brushing movement through the air as if it were no matter. "Where'd you get the tortoise?"

"Nicked it for practice."

James eyebrows shot up; he grinned at Lily in amusement. "Nicked it did you? I didn't know you had it in you."

Lily rolled her eyes. "It's for practice," she repeated flatly.

"Testy, testy," James quipped, "I won't hold it against you though. You've been studying too much. You could do with a decent distraction before your head explodes."

Lily sighed for what felt like the millionth time since she sat down to tackle her transfiguration homework. Placing both of her hands at her temple she rubbed in a futile attempt to relieve the headache building there. "Nobody's head has ever exploded from studying too much. I need to figure out how to do this stupid spell. Help me will you?"

James completely ignored her request for help. "No,no. I'm pretty sure it's been known to happen," James paused to grin at Lily's insipid gaze before continuing, "in the far reaching parts of the world—that nobody's ever heard of. Head's frequently explode there, and if it happens there, it could happen here to." He shook his head wisely, as if he were offering sage advice.

"Oh, quit your yammering and help me," Lily demanded and went to grab her wand, only to realize it was missing. She looked at James in question. "Where did my wand go? I set it right here. "

James leaned back in his chair with a devilish grin on his face. He brought both of his hands back behind his head to support it without bothering to conceal a wand sticking out of his left hand. "I dunno," he said slyly, "Wherever could it be?"

Lily scoffed at his childishness. "What are we 12? Give me my wand back, Potter."

"If you want this wand, Lily, then you are going to have to think of a more clever way to retrieve it than that."

Pushing off of the table, Lily made a mad grab for the wand sticking up behind his head, but James' reflexes were too fast for her. He was up in a flash, wand held aloft, and Lily was powerless to retrieve it.

"As soon as I get my wand back, Potter, you are getting hexed for this."

Grinning like a mad loon, James lowered his arm and waggled the wand in front of Lily's face. She made a desperate swipe for it but to no avail.

"I cannot believe you are doing this. This is absolutely ridiculous." Lily folded her arms over her chest and glared.

"Oh, come on, Lily, lighten up. Have some fun!" James teased while lowering the wand and waggling it in front of her face once again.

"This may be fun for you, but I, on the other hand, am not so amused," Lily admonished him.

They stared at each other for a few moments in silence, neither budging from their positions. The wand stayed just at the level of Lily's face.

"I'm not falling for that again," Lily informed James. Mind working furiously, Lily decided to make a go for his arm instead, thinking that she could maybe pin it to her side and work the wand out of his hand.

This idea proved as fruitful as the last. His arm was back above his head with her hands wrapped uselessly around his biceps. She tugged downward, but his arm didn't shift in the slightest. Lily found herself seriously considering causing him some sort of physical harm. In sheer frustration, she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and used it as leverage to jump pointlessly up towards the wand.

James laughed openly. "What _are_ you doing?"

"You're such a stupid—bloody—tosser," Lily complained, adding a jump towards her wand with each insult.

Having thought of another idea, Lily stopped her useless hopping and stepped back. James eyebrows shot up in surprised amusement. "Giving up?"

"Not on your life," Lily sneered before tackling him.

Having managed some element of surprise, James was unable to prepare himself for such an assault. They both went tumbling backward and James landed hard on his backside with a violent, "Oof."

Lying completely prone on the floor, with Lily straddling his lap, James could do nothing but grin up at her despite any pain he might have felt by having been violently thrown to the floor. Lily leaned forward and snatched the wand out of his hand with a loud "Ha!" before her expression quickly turned to one of sheer puzzlement.

"This isn't my wand," Lily pointed out in confusion.

"I was wondering when you were going to figure that out," James said with a laugh before putting his arms down by his sides and pushing himself up so that he was almost eye level with Lily.

Lily stared at the wand in her hand, bemused. He had waggled the bloody thing in her face, and she still hadn't noticed it wasn't hers. Perhaps her objective in the whole escapade of moments before hadn't really been to get her wand back at all. Becoming suddenly, acutely aware of the fact that James was a boy and she was girl happily straddling his lap, Lily felt a flush creep its way over her body.

Lily snapped her gaze to James instead of the wand in her hand and knew that he hadn't failed to notice their current positioning either. Lily also knew that she should be getting off of his lap, should have gotten off the moment she landed on him, but she found herself really not wanting to. There was this delightful tingling sensation in her midsection that she didn't want to go away quite yet.

Involuntarily, Lily shifted her weight ever so slightly forward, delighted with the corresponding increase of sensation. James seemed delighted too. He left out a soft groan and adjusting himself so that he could be propped up with one arm, placed his now free hand on the small of her lower back. He gently applied a downward pressure, encouraging her further repositioning closer to him.

Lily recognized the look of longing on James' face, just as she recognized what his face inching forward towards hers would lead to. This was all happening a bit too quickly for Lily to cope with. More out of shock than a desire for it to not happen, Lily pulled back.

"Where's my wand?" she questioned him, effectively ruining the moment.

James stared at her in disbelief, but quickly recovered. He shrugged jerkily, and responded, "Dunno…have you checked your pockets?"

Lily immediately dropped the wand in her hand to search her pockets. Feeling foolish, she slowly pulled her own wand out of her pocket.

"Has it been there the whole time?" Lily asked.

James smiled at her cockily.

"You sneaky wanker," Lily grumbled.

"Thought I was a stupid bloody tosser?" James joked.

"Oh, you most certainly are. Tosser, wanker, toerag—they are all words equally befitting of you," Lily assured him. "But—" Lily hesitated before continuing, "You're also mildly adorable." Lifting her hand, Lily mussed up his hair a bit before forcing herself to stand up. "So I suppose I'll let you get by with your annoying little charade this time."

"Mildly adorable," James echoed, rising up off of the floor, his grin never fading. "That's one I've never heard from you before."

"Try not to let it get to your head," Lily admonished playfully before turning back to her study desk.

"I swear I won't if you promise to mention other equally befitting words along the same lines to me on a regular basis."

Lily smiled before plopping herself back in her chair, ready to get back to business. "Maybe I will if you help me figure this out," Lily petitioned him while pushing her transfiguration text into his line of view.

James glanced down at the book for a moment before smiling. "That one's easy all you have to do is jab and twist left at the end."

The next day Lily found herself accosted in the head common room by an eager looking James as she attempted to make her way to dinner. He thrust a small package, wrapped in paper an ungodly putrid green color with a mustard yellow bow, out in front of her. James noticing her flinch at the badly clashing colors said, "I know it offends the senses, right? But, if you can manage to get past the repulsiveness, you might like what's underneath."

"What is it?" Lily hesitated before reaching out to take hold of the package.

"Open it," James commanded with a shrug.

Lily stared up at him in bewilderment. "Why are you giving this to me? It's not my birthday."

"I know that. It's not for your birthday—just open it."

"You didn't have to get me anything. I really don't know—"

"It's nothing," James cut Lily off. "I nicked it. Well, I made it…sort of."

With a questioning look, Lily finally did as she was told. She quickly divested the package of its hideous wrapper and took the top off of the box that was underneath it. The first thing she registered was the sight of prancing baby unicorns."Aw," Lily cooed automatically.

The next thing she registered was the fact that the baby unicorns were a charmed print onto a haggard looking material. Still not entirely sure what it was or why James was giving it to her, Lily looked up at him in question.

"Pull it out," James told her.

Lily obeyed his instructions and plucked the material between her thumb and index finger, pulling the material up hesitantly only to reveal more material. She was holding up a scrap of material with prancing baby unicorns on it.

"What on earth?" Lily asked with a laugh. She let it dangle in front of her and looked to James questioningly.

"You don't get it?" he asked with a frown.

"Get it? What's to get? It is a bit of scrap cloth with prancing baby unicorns and—oh!" Lily exclaimed having realized what it was. "It's a mildly adorable toerag, isn't it?"

"That's the ticket."

Lily giggled at the piece of material she was holding up before turning her eyes onto James. "I can't believe you made me a mildly adorable toerag," Lily mused with a shake of her head.

"Do you like it?" James asked quietly.

Without really thinking Lily responded, "as much as one can like a toerag, I suppose."

"Oh."

Lily took in James' crestfallen demeanor and her heart sank. Knowing that she somehow needed to amend the situation she said the first thing that came to mind. "You're not a toerag."

James' head snapped up and he looked at her quizzically. "What?"

Lily rolled her eyes, "Oh, you heard me good and well. I said 'you're not a toerag.' Actually, come to think of it, you're not even mildly adorable. You're…" Lily trailed off while her she let her eyes rove over him, trying to display to him for the first time the admiration she had for him and his body that went beyond mere adorableness. "You're rather…_fit_, if I'm being honest."

James' shock at her admission was palpable.

"But the thought behind this was rather nice," Lily teased, placing the material back in the box.

"Did you just call me fit?" James blurted out.

Lily gave him a catty grin. "Why, yes, I suppose I did."

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to keep that from going to my head?" James inquired, astounded.

"Willpower?" Lily suggested with a smirk.

Quite suddenly, where there had been plenty of space between them before, now there was none and James was cupping her face while looking down at her searchingly. "I'm about fresh out of willpower right now, Lily."

"Oh, good. Me, too." In answer to his unspoken question, Lily dropped the box containing the mildly adorable toerag, using her now free arms to hook around James' waist and pull him closer before boosting herself up to close the distance between their lips.

Heart pounding far more rapidly than usual, Lily felt heat coursing through her as James began to move his lips against hers, massaging them ever so sweetly and slowly. She clung to him tightly, desperate for more. His fingers brushed softly against her cheeks before working their way backward and wrapping themselves up in her hair.

Lily felt James' tongue brushing along her bottom lip, asking for entrance, and she eagerly obliged him. Tongue meshed with tongue, twirling and exploring one another in delight. James, seeming to have lost all control, kissed her deeply, fully, passionately, which Lily found to be an altogether pleasurable experience.

Breaking apart for air, James rested his forehead on hers. "Bloody hell," he muttered, "you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that, Lily."

Lily pulled her head back so that she could look at him. "Worth the wait?" she inquired.

"The wait and your bloody name calling," James teased.

"Well, if you weren't such a wanker you wouldn't have had to put up with either," Lily informed him.

"Still a wanker am I? You'll have to tell me later which names still apply and which ones don't."

"Later," Lily whispered, inching her face back towards his.

"Later," James agreed.

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><p><strong>Author's note: Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear what you thought of it. It'll only take a few seconds, I promise. :)<strong>


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